Happy Birthday

Just a quick note. It's really for me. Yesterday, October 17th, was our oldest son's birthday. It was a much different birthday then most. I usually have his grandparents, his great grandma, his fiancee (and now their children) his brother, sister and their boy/girlfriends over, etc. Make a cake and decorate it, have dinner, you get the idea. He turned twenty three yesterday.  Everything has always been pretty much the same, except for when he was little, it wasn't a girlfriend or fiancee, that came over, it was his best friend, year after year. Even on their eighteenth birthdays ( his best friends birthday was 2 weeks later), they were together for their birthdays. Then he turned nineteen, and had a job that led him to be out of state for his birthday. That was VERY strange for me, I'm sure he didn't care, but I sure did! I felt unconnected to him, and a hole was in my heart, that I couldn't see him on October17th. Then his twentieth birthday came, yeah we had our dinner and cake etc, but this time it was a few days later, because his brother was three hours away at school. But I still saw him on the 17th. Then the 21st birthday rolls around, and we all know how that went, it wasn't at our house for dinner, that's for sure! His 22nd was here before you knew it, and by this time, he had a family of his own. I thought long and hard about it. It wasn't really my place anymore to have his birthday celebrations, after all, he was the head of his own household now! Oh sure we still had his birthday, but not on the 17th. And as his 23rd birthday was approaching, he told us a little secret, that they were having another baby. And maybe it was that announcement, that really tugged on my heart, maybe it was the air getting cooler outside, I don't know what it was, but I decided I was going to have dinner, make the cake and have his birthday on HIS BIRTHDAY this year. Well like most of  life, plans go better in your head then actuality. His almost fourteen month old son, had spent the night ( he's teething), and didn't want to take any kind of nap , unless I was holding him. So the meal that was going to be, was now ordering a pizza. The chocolate cake with frosting, was now going to be a big tub of ice cream. And the card that I was going to pick up when I stopped to get candles for his cake, was now, going to be saying, "that's our present, sorry no card, happy birthday!" His sister had to work, so she couldn't be there. His brother, is three hours away at school, and couldn't be there either. I always tried to make my children's birthday special. I don't think they ever came out the way  I planned in my head, no matter how hard I tried. I started to be upset yesterday when I realized that I wasn't going to get any of that done. I was being really hard on myself. And in the middle of our dinner, OK pizza, I looked around the room, and realized just how lucky I really am. We've raised a man that helps his grandparents, hugs his mom, and tells her that he loves her. Is raising wonderful, exciting children. If he's not working (she works nights as a RN), he's with his children. He loves his fiancee, and supports her in whatever she's is doing. Would do anything for his friends. Is proud of his brother , and cares about what happens to his sister. He's sitting in a room with his ninety three year old great-grandmother, along with his two grandparents, the love of his life,and  his two children, with love in his heart for the third one. We are all lucky. Some don't have their children with them anymore. Some at  23  have lost their parents by that age. Some will never get to celebrate their birthdays with their own  children. And most 23 year olds-  don't still have their grandparents let alone their  great grandmas! Yeah there wasn't any home cooked meal, no fancy home made cake. But we were together, just like we were 23 years earlier. And as I reflected on his past birthdays, they were wonderful, I just couldn't see it, but now I do. There is no such thing as a PERFECT , anything. I decided, that this will probity be the last "big" birthday that I will do for him. After all he is a  man, with a family of his own. If I don't get to see him on October 17th's anymore, he's not mine to see on that date. And I'm OK with all of that (well not really, rereading this,but we'll see). Because in my heart he'll always be with me on the 17th. Happy Birthday Craig, your mommy will love you forever and always!